Sunday, October 25, 2009

So, why Test Momma??

Well, it stems from many things. From the fact that my husband and I are continually experimenting with new items and methods for raising baby and keeping a clean and somewhat tidy home, ...from the fact that every day of my life seems like a new test in varying aspects of the human condition, and because every day at one point or another my patience is tested to the nth degree.

Mostly though, it comes from the fact that I feel I am, crazily enough, a "test" mom for my Munchkin. You know, how some couples go out and get a dog or a pet of some sort to "test" the waters of what parenting would be like? That their new labrador is a test puppy? I feel like I am that test puppy. Except, ...in addition to being the test-ee, I am also the test-or. The dichotomy is offsetting. And truly no one, NO ONE - not your friends, not your parents, not your anybody - tells you how difficult this parenting thing is.

And they can't. There is no way to explain this to anyone. I had friends who tried. I have to say they sincerely tried to let me in on the tsunami that was about to hit and wash away my grass hut of oblivion. They gave me books, took me on trips with the kid(s), let me baby sit, ....but it just does not behoove the non-parent to listen. It was never that immediate or that important for me to pay attention before Munchkin showed up. It doesn't get that way until they show up. The exact second they are born you understand. You get it that this is going to be no cakewalk and it terrifies you. You call your parents, you pray to God and you start thinking about insurance, 401K's and wills. At the same time that this adrenaline rush of fight and flight hits you also feel the waterfall of love and caring beyond almost that that you have for your spouse, ........and the whole world could fall away, leaving you with nothing but that little grass hut of a life you have, and that would be ok. As long as you can keep them safe and happy, everything else is ok.

So, ....I am test momma. And this is my place to share the craziness of my life of parenthood and how it changes on a millisecond basis. That and some fun stuff too. Story-telling (more on that later), info on products and those who sell them (at least the ones I know and have tried, or would like to try, ....like the new Porche sedan, ....hey I can dream!!!), and a bunch of girl stuff like good deals, sales, hair, make up, celebrity gossip (hence yesterday's post), ...and a bunch of other mindless, wholly unimportant gibberish.

Oh and please talk back. I ain't your Momma.

Saturday, October 24, 2009

It is a sunny day here in NC, ...

And honestly, I had a ton of stuff rolling around inside my noggin before I logged in, and now - "POOF" - it's all gone.

Welcome to placenta brain. At this point, it has lasted 6 months beyond the birth of my Munchkin. My doctor says it can last, ohh....., .....well into the 18th or 19th year of your child's life. Sounds about right. My parents didn't ever make sense to me until I was about 26. So it may last even a little bit longer.

Since today is a Saturday, I've not quite paid attention to the news. In fact our television hasn't been turned on at all today, which is something we are getting better at, limiting our zombie time in front of the TV that is. It honestly does turn your brain to mush. Dad, unfortunately, was right about that one.

Anyway, so I'm typing this while my hubby is out cleaning our water heater (fun huh??) and I'm jogging back and forth between the computer on the desk and Munchkin on the floor doing tummy time. For those, who like I about 6 months ago, are completely unawares of what "tummy time" is, it is the time you let your beloved little one grunt and groan and get frustrated and fussy - all while on his tummy on the floor. It's to build strength in their back, abdomen, etc., ....but in truth I think it builds character because they certainly get completely bent out of shape when being on their tummy gets frustrating for them, ...or they get tired. At this point (6 months), you don't know which because he has yet to truly develop the ability to say "I'm tired."

But we're working on it. Ha!

Munchkin's good though. He's learned that if we don't come running to his rescue to roll over and that usually does it for him. Then whatever is near goes in the mouth and he's happy. For a few.

I am also simultaneously (to blogging here in the stratosphere of Web-land), downloading the new software for the iPhone. Now, I was never a tech junkie like the man in my life prior to the gift of the iPhone (which I've now had near 3 years - a record for a cell phone), but I have to say...all things Apple are quite tasty. The iPhone is expensive yes, ....but it replaced about four other gadgets and has cost me NADA as far as the phone is concerned since the gifting of it. It doesn't break, it does freeze up occasionally but I hardly ever turn it off. I have all my music, email, links to Twitter, Facebook, pod casts, news, and about five or six games that can usually keep me from completely losing it in horribly boring company or an extra long wait at the doctor's office. It is truly the coolest thing out there. Of course, "out there" is somewhere I have not been in about eight months. So things could have changed.

I know fashion has changed. Boy do I feel like the lady in the mom-jeans now when I go to the mall. Oh well. I prefer to feel "country sheik," ...as opposed to goth, preppy, country club or college hooker, which seems to be the preferred mode of appearance for most girls now between the ages of 11 and 28. So sad. So much makeup, so little self confidence. Paris Hilton you did nothing but degrade the strength of young women as beautiful, smart and independent of the need for male approval. But then we survived Madonna's bustier's and see through tuu-tuu skirts in the 80's. We will survive the likes of you!!!

I have to say I do hope the new girl de jour, the absolutely otherworldly Maegan Fox, gives us more to leave to the imagination. So far so good. I think she's done something for Maxxim. I think there too though she still has some clothing on. Please girl, keep it real and keep it a secret. WEAR UNDERWEAR . Brittany is not a role model.

Actually, I can't say that anyone out there in celeb-land is anyone we should model ourselves after. Most of the realistic ones I would wager to say would support this - that they are not role models either. Most humans who are tracked every day of their lives and circumscribed by the criers of our time would not fit the bill. Indeed, the US Airways pilot who landed his plane in the Hudson river, I would consider a role model for that act. I don't know if 365 days a year, 16 hours a day, for the last 5 years of his life, examined and thoroughly criticized - that even he would stand up to the muster of a self righteous society. After nitpicking his actions every day of his life, I don't think I would want to model my self after him. Then again, maybe I should. He could actually be one of those people who live a very just and honest life. We all fail sooner or later, ....I think very truly it is just a matter of magnitude.

All this to say, please remember, celebrities are not role models. And that is A, B through R list celebrities. Hell, even Miss California got a boob job, compliments of the California taxpayers. Of course, it does make her a true-er spokesperson for the State of California.

Well, guess that's it for today. At least for now. I'm going to go be a better mom.

smoochies.


Thursday, October 22, 2009

First Shot

Well, well, well. I finally got here! After all that time thinking and plotting, I'm finally here. My own blog.

Pretty much, this blog will concern the life and times of an immature girl (girl being a VERY relative term) morphing at warp speed into a mother. A mother of a loving, life altering human being. It is something you can't explain. It would take ten years of Oprah specials to explain to the non-mothering what this experience does to the inexperienced. It supersedes all concerns and those inane expectations of the childless. Both in the labor and the love created and exhausted in the pursuit of peace of mind in the care and rearing of your child.

But those are run on sentences aren't they???

This blog will also cover current events, the latest in skin care for the over-obsessed and fashion commentary. It will be "commentary" because I could never claim to know anything about fashion except that I follow it religiously. Sad but true. It is an art. I am but a student.

And hair. I have curly hair.

Which in turn means I have an obsession with "non frizziness." Hence the hair issue.

Soooooooooo.......at this late hour on the East Coast, ..........this will end my first entry.

I am TestMomma. Hear me More!!!!

Smoochie Woochies.